letters
to an unknown audience
-----------------------
~
At the Branch/  /October 20, 2005

Blimey, it's hard to open a bank account in the UK.

I waltzed in to Bank of Scotland today hoping to quickly deposit my first paycheck and walk away with a temporary ATM card. No such luck. Here's the conversation, close to verbatim.

"Hi, I'd like to open an account," I said cheerily.

"Right, how long have you been in the country?" said the tall man at the "Advice & Help" station near the front.

"Oh, a month already. And I have proof of my permanent address."

"Well, what sort of account would you be interested in?"

"Just a checking account."

"A checking account?" he retorted, somewhat as if I had just asked him to surrender all the ponies in the building. ("The ponies, sir?")

"Uh, yeah, maybe you have a different word for it here..."

"Just to deposit cheques into, then?"

"Mmm, yeah."

"So you won't be needing a chequebook?"

"Oh, no I'd like one of those, too."

"Right, well. You can apply for such an account, which you're well within your rights to do. But there will be a credit check and if you've only been in the UK for a month, it's doubtful we'd be able to offer you one."

"Hm; well is there another kind of account I can have?"

"Well, we have our basic account." Basic! Blast! I should have used the word "basic" when I walked in.

"And what does that involve?"

"Well, there's no credit card and no chequebook, but you can put a standing order on it." ("Standing order" translates into American as "direct debit" or the amusingly classic "auto-pay" and it's the only way to pay for some things, such as rent)

"Ah. But how do I get my money out? I mean, there must be some way..." I actually said this to the man at the bank.

"Well, you won't have a credit card, but you will have a bank card—" (Aha! Not all cards are the same here.) "—which you can use to get money out from an ATM."

"Oh, great, that sounds like just what I need. I'll take one."

"Well, we can't actually open a basic account at the branch here..."

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Comments

As a last resort, you could always have gone for the ponies.

—posted by yukino at October 20, 2005 3:36 PM

ahh... sounds like the last month of my life here in Dublin. Except they don't use "you have the right...". I spent the first two weeks in what I dubbed 'Fun with Bureauracy' trying to get a bank account, get a mobile contract so I can moblog (no go so far), to get my 'Registration Card' set up, etc etc etc.

I have a "student" account with the Bank of Ireland of which the only use so far is to get a bank statement sometime soon to prove that I have a permanent address so I can get a mobile contract with 3G/GPRS and moblog again.

Good luck. I hope you are enjoying Scotland.

smiles, jen ;o)

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