In other news, Ezra Cooper reports that he is a selfish alcoholic, living by gathering twigs and berries from the urban parks of Bunghole, California. Over the past four years, he has broken five glass coffee presses and three hearts. His biggest challenge this past year, he says, was paying the gas and electric bill on time, and he's hoping to adopt the use of a chest of drawers to keep his shirts apart from his underwear. His writing was recently dubbed "mediocre" by the ETS, and he's hoping to follow up that performance with a similar one on the TOEFL.
He is pleased to hear that 67% of you are getting along in your Investment Banking careers and is astonished at the sums you collectively donated to the college this past year. He's looking forward to seeing you all in hell at next summer's reunion.
We at the Alumni News hope that he meets up with Cheryl Oppenheim, who recently settled in Bunghole after completing her round-the-world sailing journey (also an environmental education project for the children of Phoenix, Arizona). Cheryl lives with her husband Jeff, a retired professional poker player, their two seraphic children, and their dog Beethoven (the eponymous film star). We wish Cheryl luck as she leads the Bunghole PTA to another statewide award-winning year. We think Ezra and Cheryl would have a lot to talk about!
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