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Bloody Good Risotto/  /March 26, 2004
Well, I remit. This was really f0kin good.
2 Tofurkey 'Sweet Italian Sausages' (really)
1/2 c.Arborio rice*
1 yellow pepper (yellow, dammit)
a few slivered almonds
4 c. vegetable broth
1/2 c. onion
some currants
1/4 c. Parmesan (grated)
trace feta cheese
Chop the choppables first. You know how to do that. Throw the veggies (yellow pepper, slivered almonds, currants, and, yes, Tofurkey—save the onions) in a shallow pan with hot olive oil and let that whole thing happen the way it does. Season it wil a little basil once it's underway (I think**). Also heat some oil in a medium-sized sauce pan, like a 4-quart jobbie. It is a very good idea to crush one small dried pepperoncino in there, but I have yet to see those for sale in the US so good luck on that.

Saute (?) the chopped onion in that bigger pan. Throw the Arborio in there and stir like you've got some elbow grease. It'll get to where the outside is translucent-like and there's still a magic opaque white spot in the middle. That's when you start to stir in the broth, one cup at a time, or half a cup. Stir it and let it absorb each cup before you go on. This is a time-consuming process, so bring your patience. Reading a magazine while this is happening is acceptable. I recommend something trashy and visual like Rolling Stone, but I'm soliciting suggestions for better risotto-time magazines.

You probably won't use all 4 cups o' broth, but you'll probably use at least three. Once you've got two cups in there, start tasting it to see if you can chew it. If so, it's done. Don't go all softy on that: you want some bite.

At this point you should have finished grating your Parmesan. You haven't started grating your Parmesan? Start now. Fools.

When all of the last round of broth is absorbed and it's not yet popping like popcorn or smelling like black carbon, take it off the heat. Fold the Parmesan in, which means put a little bit in and then turn it, top to bottom. That stuff sticks on contact, so you don't want it all in one corner of the dish. Your date, in the unlikely event that you should have one, will be upset. This is like sprawling across the backseat of the cab leaving the Other no purchase.

Finally, throw some sliced leaves of fresh basil on top, a diced tomato (Did I mention diced tomato? I should have), and a tiny bit of crumbled feta. This is the good part. A tiny bit of crumbled feta. The freshness of the cold ingredients (tomato, basil, feta) go nicely with the hot good that we call risotto. 'Nuff said.

After you've found bliss with this dish, you can go back to sitting in your chair and plumbing the mysterious depths of your life. If that's your thing.

* Medium- and long-grain rice is  NOT ACCEPTABLE
** In fact I would like to hear from some trained cook as to whether basil should be inserted into a hot pan and if so, when.
*** Disclaimer: I am not a cook, only a mere friend of yours, and not a real live fisikal one at that. I'll not be held responsible for any disgusting tastes or disastrous kitchen messes you might produce. Yes, there is no referent for this triple-asterisk.

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