letters
to an unknown audience
THINGS WHICH EXCESSIVELY PISSED OFF THE AUTHOR, 2/29/04
- Warped-ass tire hastily purchased from bike shop unduly difficult to apply to rim.
- Idiotically turning left in front of an oncoming car which, on reflection, should have been seen.
- Having no apparent grocery choice (reasonably priced and with more than two aisles) but the giant Safeway, perennially cruel to its employees.
- Safeway clerk ineffably distracted. Didn't notice the author was on bike; grouped items in a perplexingly suboptimal way. Tomatoes narrowly escaped being crushed by tomato sauce (their progeny, no less!) while bulky pillows were comically strapped to biker's chest.
- Taking bike on exuberant test ride after fitting it with brand-new tire (see above)
- Co-operating with two friends to obtain couch (free!) from third friend's apartment.
- Patiently preparing, then tasting, Balsamic-drenched portobello mushrooms with dill, thyme, nutmeg, currants, and capers (non-pareill!), following them up with kumquats.